Anger Management

There are a lot of reasons why people struggle with anger. In my experience, pop-psychology explanations of the phenomenon of unmanaged anger are often oversimplified. Historically, mainstream behavioral healthcare has lumped its attempts to address this costly problem into a blanket category of “anger management.” This has resulted in treatments that are manualized into a one-size-fits-all solution that can be taught in a classroom.

For some people, this may be effective. However, it undermines the nuanced nature of personality and human behavior. People are individuals. Those that over-react often do so for very different reasons. That is why it is necessary to take a comprehensive and wholistic therapeutic approach when dealing with individuals who struggle with anger.

There are aspects of personality and behavior that are very much heritable. Some people are simply more reactive than others. Many of them are born that way. This pattern can often be observed during infancy. Some children are “sensitive,” “fussy’” or “difficult.” Many times, parents learn to accommodate that behavior to manage it. We may be inclined to “just give her the toy!” or “let him watch what he wants!” or “give him the damn candy!” to assuage a temper tantrum. While this strategy may provide parents with temporary relief from a child who is prone to acting out, it often reinforces the “tantrum behavior” as a viable strategy for getting one’s needs met. This is a form of maladaptive social learning.

The unfortunate result is that the child evolves into an adolescent and adult with little frustration tolerance. Society does not generally reward adult temper tantrums. The result of this type of learning in childhood is adult interpersonal relationships and behavior characterized by problems. Individuals like this often benefit from unlearning maladaptive coping skills and learning more appropriate ways to get their needs met. In anger management therapy, we will focus a great deal on communication, accountability and empathy for others.

At this point, the relationship between substance misuse and violence is beyond dispute. This is particularly true of alcohol which is correlated with the increased likelihood of almost every form of violence. Apart from these more extreme examples, overindulgence is substances is often associated with behavioral and interpersonal relationship difficulties that affect one’s home life, occupational functioning and socialization.

The impact of substances on one’s mood and behavior can often manifest days after the substance is used, meaning that a person does not have to be intoxicated to have their behavior influenced by substances. This is often expressed in the form of irritability and hostility as the individual struggles to regulate the emotional instability resulting from excessive exposure to drugs and alcohol. There are several ways to address substance use within the context of anger management therapy in outpatient treatment.

The important thing here is to make sure that this aspect of the person’s lifestyle does not go unexplored, as it can be frequently overlooked or avoided in therapy if it is not addressed directly.

It is cliché at this point to say that “Hurt people hurt people.” Nonetheless, from a behavioral perspective, it is often true. Unresolved traumatic experiences like physical abuse, emotional abuse, neglect and abandonment can have a massive impact on how we experience relationships. We may be untrusting of the motives of friends, family and work colleagues, and become quick to overreact to perceived slights. We may sabotage close relationships and avoid interpersonal connections by pushing people away.

Individuals with untreated trauma often find themselves triggered and lashing out in ways that are out of proportion to actual circumstances. We end up repeating abusive patterns that were modeled for us by others until we find that we have become like the very people who inflicted pain upon us. Dealing with our own traumas can help us to break these dysfunctional cycles so that we can live a more peaceful life. Sometimes it is necessary to go backwards in order to move forward. Addressing the impact of past traumas if often a key component to resolving unmanageable anger.

Simply stated, individuals with anger management issues often have untreated mental health disorders. Mood instability and anxiety can lead to emotional dysregulation and a loss of self-control. When people are cycling through the various phases of these conditions, they may be prone to explosive behavior that feels very much out of control. Exploring and addressing these issues can result in greater stability and self-control. Individuals with these types of conditions often benefit greatly from a referral to a psychiatrist in addition to therapy to address the thinking and behavior that results from depression, mood instability or anxiety.

Sometimes, it takes a combination of approaches to address the behavioral issues associated with mental health issues. The important thing to understand is that uncontrolled anger will not likely resolve itself unless the mental health issue is treated.